Help
Some of you may know that YS is getting married. In the last few months he and YSS have made some plans. I have asked for some hint of what is to come and made a few assumptions (yes, I know where that leads and I'm there now) YSS is for some reason now convinced that I wanted to run the whole wedding and will never accept her until she converts. She has ceased all communication with me except to tell me what I am thinking. I can not stop crying. For those who care to listen:
1. YSS is a wonderful girl from a wonderful family. YS lucky to have someone who cares about him in his life.
2. I adore her family (well, until they started to treat me like the "Bitch Who Ruined The Wedding") They are funny, kind, and the sort of people we like to hang out with.
3. I am a deeply Religious Jew. Any questions I had about the wedding service were to protect YSS. OK, and to make sure I didn't feel like a quaint animal in a zoo ("Wow! So that's how Jesus did it!"). A Jewish Wedding is more than one service, it is part of a much larger gestalt.
4. At this point I can show up, say whatever they want me to say for the service, but I cannot promise that I will not cry from now until then. Everything I have tried to do has been thrown back in my face as trying to control the wedding. I was asked to make the chuppah, the design wasn't good enough. I asked if YSS has converted (and was going to surprise me because it's a totally Jewish wedding and she can be sweet and thoughtful that way) and was told that I couldn't accept that my little boy was marrying a non-Jew. Whoops. Guess I read that one wrong.
5. Help. I'm sick of crying over this, but I can't seem to stop. I want him to have the happy day he deserves, but maybe he'd be better off if I weren't around.
1. YSS is a wonderful girl from a wonderful family. YS lucky to have someone who cares about him in his life.
2. I adore her family (well, until they started to treat me like the "Bitch Who Ruined The Wedding") They are funny, kind, and the sort of people we like to hang out with.
3. I am a deeply Religious Jew. Any questions I had about the wedding service were to protect YSS. OK, and to make sure I didn't feel like a quaint animal in a zoo ("Wow! So that's how Jesus did it!"). A Jewish Wedding is more than one service, it is part of a much larger gestalt.
4. At this point I can show up, say whatever they want me to say for the service, but I cannot promise that I will not cry from now until then. Everything I have tried to do has been thrown back in my face as trying to control the wedding. I was asked to make the chuppah, the design wasn't good enough. I asked if YSS has converted (and was going to surprise me because it's a totally Jewish wedding and she can be sweet and thoughtful that way) and was told that I couldn't accept that my little boy was marrying a non-Jew. Whoops. Guess I read that one wrong.
5. Help. I'm sick of crying over this, but I can't seem to stop. I want him to have the happy day he deserves, but maybe he'd be better off if I weren't around.
Labels: notes from the dark side
posted by NeedleTart | 3:17 PM
2 Comments:
(((hugs))) I'm so sorry things got confused.
Best thing to do is remain calm and agreeable and eventually everyone will chill out, but that doesn't help you NOW. I'm sorry. :(
(((hugs))) with Julie-- And yes. Simply step back, maybe write a letter telling her all the reasons you loved her in the first place and how happy you are that she and your son are starting a life together. The end. No mention of the wedding, no discussion of how things got confused--just the real, important issue that she will be happy to hear.
Or maybe what Julie said-- she's smarter than me:-)
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